Poor Cuz...

My cousin is heartbroken...

Babe, i may not be the best person to advice on this heartbroken thingy but..let me say this.. Wen i first fall in love (no name mention) with the person, i tot..i really tot that's it..she is so perfect..so adorable...she's the one for me.. Time goes by, things change..and she became someone i hardly recognize. There's no more love between me n her. That is wen i'm 18 years old. I categorised that as a snap love from one stupid gurl (that's me) who is so desprately wanna feel loved. But time heals my dear... what u have to do during any break ups, take one nite that wud be the most miserable nite of ur life..u cry all nite..cry it all out. Done? Wash ur face, brush ur teeth, look at the mirror n u'll surely regrat crying that it turns ur face to be like a balloon..nevertheless..u'll feel relieved...then? Go to bed. The next mrning, make sure u wake up early, do some jogging...run as fast as u can... g back home, take ur shower n u'll feel like a new person. Foget about everything. Don't think about it again, don't cry anymore..let it go...just make ur self free..

I did that..it works for me..

Love is not some fairytale that will at all time end up happily ever after. Love is letting go. U may think n feel that she's the rite person for u wen she's actually not . Learn to let go and appriciate urself more than anyone else in this world. Only u can give urself the perfect love u wanted. Go back to GOD..u might have fogotten HIM for a while. It's ok. Everyone did the same mistake as u. Talk to HIM. Tell him how sorry u are..how suffer u are... Tell HIM how much u regret letting HIM away from u.. GOD listens to everything we said.

Trust me..I know.

Confused of LoVe...

What is the meaning of love?

I never understand what love means. Someone told me love is wen u found the rite person for u. What if, only u feel that he/she is the rite person for u but it's never real?

Let me tell u a story about a gurl who fall in love with a man who she'll never be able to be with.

There's this gurl who've known a man, she never thought that she'll be a fren to him who is someone known by almost everyone..even the judges know this man. They've known each other for 4 months..gonna be 5 months.

"Hye..it's a pleasure to get to know u n ur family members...What a happy family u have there (",)..Neways, send my regards to ur siblings k..nite"

"Me too,hapy je talking to you, but dont u think its normal? takut nanti u cakap semak je i ni..any complication in kl just buzz me...Now that is a friend!"

"Nite..sweet dreams..hope dis relationship last..."

"Slowly to patch up things..heart broken, u know how it feels rite? Its a tragic love lost. Nothing much left. To get trough it's good enuff. But there's always a blessing i'm disguise..."

So.... The man is in the process of divorce. He's married for a while.. something goes wwrong somewhere...things came up, they decided to bring matter to court for a divorce.

So i asked myself, what is she hoping from this man?

She wanted his love... LOVE? Is there any space in his heart to actually love da gurl?

"Don't u think sincerity is the key to a good heart (",) that is my practice...honesty is the key to good relation. Most of us lost that..its very sad.."

"Our feelings is like a dark tunnel, if theres a lite, u'll definitely see it..whenever ur near, its getting brighter.."

Gurl : "Have u seen ur lite?"

"I've seen it but it's gone recently, n i saw a new 1, n its brighter than i thought..."

"Suddenly i miss u...i'm sorry but that's the fact...sorry"

What would da gurl feel when she reads all this? Is there love for her? Is she the lite the man was seeing? Confused? I'm confused..she's confused...

"I lost..is a love lost that will neva be cured, i tried to imagine and try seeing other people but can't...seriously i nak berkahwin dengan perempuan yang sentiasa menutup auratnya...when u cross my mind i smile...maybe a wake to my daydream..."

"I wanted to call u every nite..but..."

"I miss u when suddenly u cross my mind, miss ur text, n wonder if i were meant to go out with someone like u, thats the trusth..i want a good wife..."

"I want a good n humble wife..who can accept my poor family.."

"I takut i can't give my all to my companion...but again i'm totally back to my ownself.."

"Let me finish my court case then we can do some outing.."

"Ya Allah, Kau lindungilah dia, Kau berikanlah kekuatan dan ketenangan pada hatinya, Kau teuhkanlah imannya, Kau berikanlah rahmatMU kepadanya..kerana aku terlalu menyayangi jiwanya...AMIN"

"I'm scared i will let u down 1 day.."

It's hurting rite???..it really hurts me..to see her smiling face out of all the hope he gave...Isn't all this u call hope? I don't understand man...man are good in giving false hope..sometimes they didn't even realise that they are giving hope.. Sigh... We are just woman.. A normal being with hearts...

"I will never say goodbye to you..we will get to know each other 1 day darl.."

"We'll be connecting with each other whatever happens kay"

"I'm getting a lot of crap lately from people, maybe its a test, so i'm a bit piss off, so i decided to just go a way..I want to c u personally sometimes..maybe we can talk bout life so that we can get to know each other from there.."

"Allah telah menjanjikan pasangan yang sesuai bagi setiap insan..kalau ada jodoh kita bersama, will be it..thats the finale of all."

"But i'm scared if i can't deliver what u want..to be a good husband.."

"I know...i don't want to be balme for even giving a little hope to u.."

God..it's heart breaking. He is giving her some hope...She promised to wait. Is it worth the wait? Will this story end happily ever after?

"Ya, bertukar pandangan, senyum, bersalaman ke sekadar berkawan? Dan bila cinta mula berputik, tak tidur malam, mengenangkan jadi pasangan dan bila jadi kenyataan..yang nyatanya, telah banyak yang kita harung, kadangkala rasa bebas, kadangkala terkurung, kita pernah berpisah dan kembali berpiah dan kembali. Kembali kerana pengorbananmu kuhargai..."

"I can feel u dear..yup...can u wait if it takes time to fix my broken pieces..I like u though.."

"Bukan, selalunya orang yang paling kita sayanglah yang paling susah untuk disayang, sebab orang yang kita sayanglah yang kerap melukakan hati kita.."

That is so tru..the one we love will hurt us the most. Prove? She loves him..so much...that she'll do anything for him. HE asked to wait..she agreed. She actually allows him to be in her heart...

Then i said...tinggalkan space untuk diri sendiri... I don't one anyone to give 100% love to anyone..it's not wrong.. but u have to love urself before u can love anyone else... Wen he/she's gone..u'll not be broken into pieces... u'll cry of course...but it's a one nite tears..so that the next day, u'll wake up..sum1 new.

"Sape yang cakap u terhegeh-hegeh, assumption that is totally negative, i cleared my self to you..it's how u take it..on my side, bout u is positive, it's only the matter of time..."

There are people saying that big boy. She called..seems like it's very difficult for u to pick up her calls.

She text u..it takes u the whole watch to reply..What does this show? Ignorant?

"Rindulah dekat u.."

Na'ah..big problem.

"Betul, sumpah..now i feel like just wanna go to u, hug n kiss u.."

This is bad...

"I realize each time i don't call u or see u that is the time where each star dat brighten up the sky will drp..i don't wanna loose u"

It's getting worst...

"Baby gurl, i'm sory kay..too many things to rush till i fogot.."

"I'm in prison of love wreck, everything here are all heartbreaking..i can feel a bit of happiness n see a little spark of lite...hoping its star.."

Gurl : "The lite will never be a star weh u urself doesn't give it a chance to be the star..hope is not enough..its courage..and effort"

"It takes a bit more than courage and effort..there will be the time that patience get its
payback.."

That's everythng before she decided to make it a stop..it's a never ending love story. I wonder if it's really love, or it's only some sweet word from a sweet talker..just like someone i know back in university...Sigh.. This is so painful. Wen she decided to put a stop to it, he says don't...he need to be loved.. If i were to see him, i'll definitely say this to his face..."allow her to love u.. u are killing her heart..her day and nites.."

After few days..the phone beep..it's him.. giving suggestion...bout something big..nop..not a wedding... it's a business partnering.
And the gurl actually contributed.. wen i asked y..she says.. " i trust him. he'll never betray my trust..mebe i can't be his life partner but mebe by being his business partner, i can be near him.. at least i can meet him.. or he can call me bout the stuff and all.. mebe not about love coz its not there..i know".. and she cried.. shh..don't cry baby gurl.. u've gone tru a lot more than this in life..

U know wat..she says.. Its because i've gone tru a lot that i'm now tired..i wanted a stop to all this..

May ALLAH hear all ur prayers...

Weddings anyone?

Hye everyone!!!!!...weddings.. it is wonderful that u can make them happy...

Aju..congratulations on ur wedding.. x leh nak describe mcm mane hepinye aku dapat jadi part of the family..thanks sebab bagi kepercayaan pada aku. urm...but sorry bout the cake.. (budak waiter tu dah kene jerit dengan aku..sorry tak niat nak rude but die kene responsible dengan kek ko tu)

Anyway, aku jadi ala-ala wedding planner utk wed aju.. buat tangga, bilik pengantin, ambik kek, hantaran...penat? huish..penat gile.. tapi..kepuasan yang aku dapat bile tengok aju & hubby plus the family hepi, buat aku sgt2 gembira and hilang semua penat aku...

Sorry aju aku tak pakai baju kurung time weding ko..(susah nak lari sana-sini)

Ape2 pun...i hope u enjoy ur wedding n i hope i've done everything according to wat u wanted...muahs..love u aju!

:)

Both of them are the lite of my life...the baby is of course my 4 months old nephew and also kak ira's cucu angkat (kak ira suke interfrem la..) and the other is my house mate + my best fren (AN) who is also kak Ira's mushrumysoupyshi..(gurlfren)...haha..

An helps me a lot. Die pandai masak...esp mushroom soup yang kak ira gile kan. She's a chef obviously in one of the hotels in K.L. Anyway, she's a good fren..she's always there for me wen i need help..wen i cry..wen i'm down.. anytime anywhere... Macam mana pun, kak ira memang dok gile kan die... N umma pun... Huhu... Thank you 4 being there an..MUahs...

Suami orang- ep3

Suami orang..

So i heard...orang tu dikenali ramai. Aku tau melalui pemerhatian aku yang mereka berdua memang ada perasaan towards each other. Bila kawan2 tau, ramai yang cakap. Jangan. Dia tengah nak bercerai dengan wife dia...nanti kau pulak yang di tuduh punca perceraian. Degil? Bile tak nak dengar cakap kawan-kawan. Hubungan berterusan. Cinta? Tak mungkin. Kenyataannya mereka mungkin hanya menjadi teman bercerita. Berkongsi masalah dan mengambil berat.

Berbaloi? Pendapat aku..tidak. Sebab apa yang aku nampak, perempuan tu yang sentiasa bersungguh-sungguh memastikan segala komunikasi antara mereka berdua berterusan. Yang si lelaki ni, tenggelam timbul dalam dunianya sendiri.

Berjumpa? memang takde la...

Ada apa pada lelaki yang masih bergelar suami orang ini? Hanya perempuan itu mampu menjelaskan.

Macam mana pulak dengan isteri lelaki tersebut? Dilihat kini ke sana ke mari dengan seorang pengkid. Mungkin itu punca perceraian? Aku tak ada jawapannya.

Nasihat aku pada diri sendiri dan pembaca...ajar hati kita untuk tidak mudah percaya pada sesiapa. Walaupun kita mula cinta atau suka pada seseorang. Jangan terlalu yakin, segalanya akan berakhir dengan baik. Bercinta itu tidak salah. Baik dengan suami orang, abang orang atau siapa sahaja. Tapi kalau dia boleh bercerai dalam perkahwinan pertamanya, mungkin dia akan juga bercerai pada perkahwinan atau perhubungan seterusnya. Kaji dengan betul. Jangan biar hati menguasai akal. Biarlah akal yang menguasai hati....sebab kalau tidak..jadi macam aku..menangis berhari-hari...haha.. bodoh kan? Tapi itulah dia cinta..kadang-kadang sebijak manapun orang tuh (not that i'm saying aku ni bijak)..akan jadi bodoh bila jatuh cinta... Jatuh cinta tak bermaksud kita perlu sentiasa ade dengan orang tuh. Yang kelakarnya..cinta yang aku tangiskan nih, cinta yang tak pernah ada. Aku sendiri yang melayan perasaan...but...aku realise ada kebaikan gak benda tu jadi.

Ingat pesan one of my fren dekat AGs Chambers..'be careful with man'... I will my dear..i will.

Reality check...

He hurt me!

What did he do?

He touched me wen i was asleep..he invited his friends to try me..

Shit! R u saying, he raped u?

Silence...

***

It's a pleasure to get to know u..

But u r a married man..

I'm getting a divorce..

When? what will they say? I caused the divorce?

No! We only know each other when i'm in the process of the divorce..

I'm afraid u'll juz play me with ur words..u r good at it.

Why r u saying this?

When u feel lonely, wen u feel in need..if u feel down..u'll text me, u'll call me.. u gave me all the hope in the world..but wen u don't need me..u'll be gone..not 4 a while..u make me wait and wonder..is there hope or it's just a dream...u're killing me.

***

But he never calls anymore...

Did u call him?

No. I'm afraid if he refuse to pick up my calls.

Then don't. Let him be.

But I love him. I waited for him. everyone was already there. The family, neighbours...Imam.. but he failed to show up.

Maybe he's not ready.

But this is not the first time he did this to me.

Leave him. Let him be. Stop hurting urself.

***

I kissed her lips.

U sure u r doing the rite thing?

I love her..

But she's a gurl..

Wat's wrong with that?

U r telling me that u falling in love with a gurl?

Yes.

Y?

I dont trust guys anymore...

That easy?

It's never been more difficult than this.

U r killing me with ur confession.

I'm dead long ago..i'm dead since i'm 17...

***

REALITY CHECK

U know some one..u fall in love..the next thing u know, the one u love hurts u.

Or mebe, u hate to fall in love cause u were trap in ur past. the pain and the hurt kills ur lfeeling to be in love.

Or mebe u are a gay or lesbian...that u can't give ur heart to anyone same like everyone.

U may also be the one who was so ready to get married but ur future husband/wife didn't turn up on ur wedding day.

This is the reality some of us are facing. Believe it or not? That's the truth. Tust me i know..

Thank you..

Please tell me to stop...please put some sense in my head...

Dont. Dont stop loving me. I need to be loved...

Can i believe that u realy want my love? Can i believe you and i will never be apart and we gonna go tru hard times together? Can i believe that you're a special person that was made for me? Please tell me so i know...

I don't know whether i was made 4 u..If only we could rite? So that we wouldn't make any mistake in any..At least by ur question i know where u stand..Move on then..I don't think u have the patience...Sory 4 the hope...

Dont get me wrong. Its not about me moving on..its not about where i stand..n please dont qs my patience..wat i need from u is juz to be honest wif me bout ur heart n where u stand cz i know mine. My promises are not made to be broken...

I dont know what is wrong wit me...dont wait..i dont have anyone..just move on..I'm setting up a business here..so moving on is the best for u..

As simple as that..if that is what u want..i cnt force u..sedih kan hidup ni..dlm satu saat kite boleh hilang segala-galanya.

I feel guilty if what we want will end up opposite..we can loose anything in a blink.

I will not stop oving yu watever happens. Thank u 4 everything...

Me too..its hard but its wonderful to love yet cant be touched..

Dah lama i tak nangis..tp, diz tyme its so sad..i cant stop my tears..

Since there were no more than u n me..is that i' m gonna let u go so i cud be free..can live my life how it shud be..

When i'm gone away, i hope you'll be stronger, to live the rest of your life, well dont cry baby, dont you cry fr me, and i'm praying you'll find someone better. Loving you, it's the best thing that i can ever remember, i swear to god! yu've been the one that made my life more cntended, i couldn't explain in words how much i love you.

Hope will come, thinking i deserved this now i realized that i didn't kno..learn everything n quickly learn all this..all i kno everything will b ok...dats the path i'm taking n i kno time will heal this..

OLd Days...

Mowning everyone...

Teringat nak tulis sebelum terlupe...last 2 days, a FREN called me...around 7++ pm kot. Culdn't remember the xct time.. never mind about that..the thing i wanted to share here is... orang yang call tuh..sumone yang pernah n still (Still?) ujud dalam my life. KNown her since 2003. Mase tuh, baru nak masuk Degree Law. Urm..be frens with her n we become husemates..+ roomates. Banyak yang aku go tru dengan die. Mase aku kenal die, die ade financial problem utk cntinue study. So, dia berenti blaja n start keje dekat one of the Hotel dekat KL nih. ur friendship doesn't start well actually..sebab banyak sangat masalah yang die tengah go tru masa tuh.. family, work, fren..study..tapi, aku ngan die go on gak life...yelah..takkan nak give up plak..

Mase die call tuh, aku teringat la balik, benda2 lama yang kitorang dah go tru..Man..its nothing simple..terlalu banyak.. n tak keterlaluan kalau aku kata..i've been there for her dari jatuh bangun die...sampailah die dapat keje yang stabil n keluar satu kereta.. Gen2 Putih.. Tak silap aku kereta tu keluar 3 hb. Tapi, tulah orang cakap, kawan ni biar berpada-pada.. mungkin dah ada bonding between us sampai semua benda nak buat sama-sama n sampai one point of time yang kitorang asyik bergaduh. Semua benda tak kene...(mase tuh aku n die sama-sama tengah tak leh fikir)...Die baran.. Banyak kali gak die fizikal dengan aku..tapi aku pun jenis mulut ni tak leh nak mengalah..hm..budak2 kot masa tuh.. anyway.. my point here is.. ape yang kitorang go tru together mematangkan aku. Banyak yang aku belajar pasal hidup bile aku dengan die. Almost 4 years gak aku duk serumah dengan die.. Pasal die gak aku dapat DL mase degree..yup..aku sayang kat die.. Tapi sekarang masing2 dah ade life sendiri..aku dengar cerita yang die dah pun keje tempat lain n dah pun naik pangkat (walaupun die tak nak beritau die keje kat mane..which aku tak faham kenape).. die pun dah duk dengan diz fren yang muka macm Misha Omar..(dia kata)...hm.. aku pun dah ade life aku sendiri..

Cume aku rindu kat tok perempuan dia...dulu aku selalugak balik mersing jenguk tok.. (yang suka sangat melatah)..dengar2 tok dah kurang dengar..tapi aku sure tok n family die yang lain ingat aku macam mane aku ingat kat diorang.

Kalau die baca blog aku nih..aku nak die tahu yang ape pun masalah yang aku n die pernah go tru dulu..aku tak sikit pun dendam..i fogive u..n please fogive me..

Kita dan Dia...

Kalau kita sayang seseorang...
Apa pun dia kata tentang kita, kita terima...
Kata hati kita..takpelah mausia kan tak sempurna...
Tapi, bila kita kata pasal dia?
Dia marah panjang berjela-jela..

Kalau kita sayang seseorang...
Beratus-ratus bayar bil telefon pun tak apa..
Tapi bila bil telefon dia melambung?
Dahla, i kena cut cost pasal asyik gayut dengan u jer...
Nak pujuk hati, kita kata ; ala esok2 hidup dengan dia jugak..

Kalau kita sayang seseorang...
Date pukul 4 dia datang pukul 8...
Tak apa, dia kata tadi jem..
Tapi bila kita datang lambat?
Muka dia masam mencuka..tak cukup dengan tu..dia kata2 kita...
Hati pun bisik..biaselah, mebe dia ada problem kat tempat kerja..

Kalau kita sayang seseorang tu...
Kita ni mengantuk tapi dia telefon ajak borak..
Kita puaslah besarkan mata tadah telinga..
Tapi, bila kita bosan..Ada die layan kite?
I ngantuklah...u try tido la ye..
Hm..takpelah, die letih agaknya..

Kalau kita sayang seseorang tu...
Kita buat salah sikit je tapi dia cerita kat satu dunia macam kita ni jahatnye...
Tapi bila dia buat salah, sikit dia tak kisah..
Hati ni kata dia tak sedar kot benda tu salah...

Kalau kita sayang seseorang tu...
Dia demam sikit je, kita kalut macam nak gila
Pegi Klinik beli ubat untuk dia..
Bila kita sakit?
Dia ada dekat karaoke dengan kawan-kawan dia..
Kita?...Tak pelah dia dah janji lama dengan kwn2 dia..
Telan panadol..kita pun tido je la...

Kalau kita sayang seseorang tuh,
Apa je yang dia cakap penting tuk kita..
Sepatah-sepatah kita dengar, kita register dlm kepala..
Bila kita cakap?
Ish..dia kuatkan radio pula..
Takpelah, cerita kita ni bosan kot...

Kalau kita sayang seseorang tu...
Dia suka makan apa, kita pun iyakan aje..
Jom makan Kenny Rogers...
Ok..
I nak Peha...
Ok..
Padahal kita suka bahagian peha..
Bila kita teringin nak makan ape2..
Ala..hari tu kan u dah makan benda tuh..
Takpelah, dia bosan kot makan benda yang sama..


Kalau kita sayang seseorang tu..
Kita n dia sama-sama baru balik kerja...
Tapi nak gak bejumpa..
Takpelah, i drive, u rehatla..
Adil ke tu?
Kita kata, takpelah dia letih sangat agaknye...

Kalau kita sayangkan orang tuh,
Tengah keluar makan 20 kali mak dia telefon suruh balik..
Kita kata, balikla mak u nak u tlong dia kot..
Tapi bila mak kita telefon..
Ish u nih...asyik2 family..bila masa u nak fikir pasal kita?
Kita kata...Tak pelah...dia belum boleh terima cara kita..
Hm...

Kalau kita sayang orang tu...
Birthday dia kita sungguh-sungguh berbelanja..
Bila birthday kita?
Dia sibuk celebrate kawan kawan yang sambut hari jadi hari yang sama..
Adil ke tuh?
Kita Kata..takpelah...Mana boleh kita nak semuanya sempurna...

Kalau kita sayang orang tu...
Dia tak call seminggu..kita tanya kenapa?
Alamak syg kredit tak delah..
Kita masukkan lah kredit dia..
Ingat kot nak Call kita..tapi tak jugak...
Hati kata..takpelah mungkin dia ada important calls nak buat...

Kalau kita sayang seseorang...
Apa pun pasal dia kita terima..
Tapi kekurangan kita?
Complain berjela-jela..
Kita kata..dia tegur untuk kebaikan kita...

Kalau kita sayang seseorang..
Kita tak ada apa nak berahsia...
Tapi dia?
Hp bunyi, sorok bawah meja...
Takpelah, dia tak nak orang ganggu kot...

Kalau kita sayang seseorang...
Kite tengah sakit ni..dia marah2 kita pula..
Kita terima..
Agaknya, kalau kita mati, dia macam sambut raya...

Kalau kita sayang seseorang tuh..
Kita tak sanggup tengok dia merana..
Tak sanggup tengok dia menderita..
Ish maacam mana kalau dia sorang-sorang nanti?
Agaknya dia tak bahagia dengan kita kot...
Kerna kita sayangkan seseorang tu...
Kita sanggup berkrban apa sahaja..
Kita sanggup tinggalkan dia..Biar dia cari kebahagiaannya..
tapi..dia tau tak kita dah buat apa selama ni untuk dia?
Dia tau tak kita dah krbankan segalanya?

Tak pelah..Tuhan tahu..cukuplah...

Bukan Tak Ingat...

Dapat gak siapkan 1 IP...

Dah Setahun lebih aku keje dekat sini. Makin lama kerje aku rasa makin jauh dari kawan-kawan. Lepas satu-satu kawan menyepi. yang dekat sebelah ni, ct rozaini (CT) dengan ct haja (AJA)...kawan-kawan aku dekat Teknik KL dulu. Kitorang nye group ade nama...3GM..(macam 3G)..tapi zaman tu blum ada 3G lagik... Anyway..lepas habis skool, aku keep in tuch banyak dengan aja jek. aja plak rajin keep in touch dengan ct.. last aku jumpe diorang bulan 9 tahun lepas. Masing2 sibuk. Aku dengan aja ade jugak contact tru sms. Tapi belum ade kesempatan nak jumpe. Rindu? Aku ada banyak benda nak cerita dekat aja. Dulu aku selalu buka puasa n tido umah die. Gie tusyen sama2..miss those days..

Yang sorang lagi tuh namanye nana...alhamdulillah aku dengan nana selalu keep in touch..banyak yang aku kongsi dengan nana mase skool sampai la sekarang. Cume nana bz dengan final year. Nana punye fav food Nando's..yummy...tak sabar tunggu nana habis exam, bleh hang out...

Yang pakai cermin mata tu, emmy. Aku best fren dengan die masa uitm dulu. Aku dengan dia satu bilik untuk 4 sem. She is very understanding...tapi, sayang, nombor lama emmy dah tak bleh guna. Hari tu tibe2 emmy call, dengan nombr baru. Rasa nak menangis dengar suara emmy (biasa kalau lepas jumpe emmy, nak hantar balik memang nangis)...next time tuh, aku try kol n baru emmy tapi dah tak leh dapat..sedihnye rasa...tak tau macam mana nak cntact emmy sekarang...

Lagi sorang yang aku belum sempat jumpe..petite...roomate aku mase form4 n 5...miss sgt..selalu plan tapi tak penah menjadi...

Kan best kalau semua kawan-kawan yang kite ada dalam dunia nih sentiasa in touch dengan kite..tapi aku faha..semu org ade life sendiri ...but kalau u all baca ni, just note that i love all of u so much....so..so..much...

Hari malas saya...

Malasnye gue hari nih...buka IP (Investigation Paper) yang tebal nih, tengok gambar-gambar yang meloyakan tekak..terus potong mood nak makan kueh raya yang Kak Ira bawa. Tapi mulut mengunyah jugak tart nenas, pandai kak ira buat (buat ke??). Anyway.. kenapa tak de mood hari nih? Sebab banyak sangat benda2 sampingan yang mengganggu gugat kepala otak gue nih.

Pasal family..penat jadi kakak nih. Aku kena jaga 8 orang adik bawah aku. Entahlah..nak kata banyak2 karang, adik2 aku sendiri jugak. Tapi, memang adik2 aku memeningkan kepala. aku rasa macam dah tua dah nih...uruskan semua. Dah maca mak2 pun ada.. esk2 orang kata, budak2 tu anak2 aku plak..bukan adik2..alamak.. Kalau ikutkan hati yang selfish ni, aku nak je letak jawatan sebagai kakak. (Boleh ke?) Biar adik2 aku yang lain2 tuh, rasa sikit tanggungjawab. Bukan senang jadi kakak nih. Diorang nih, dah terlampau manja sangat. Semua benda tersedia. Duit nak, bagi. Nak tusyen, daftar. Nak makan sedap-sedap, bawa..ish2 mewh sungguh. Apa yang aku tak dapat masa kecik dulu, semua depa dapat sekarang. Tak boleh ka depa ni ada rasa bersyukur sket? Susahnya sekadar nak suruh appriciate? Susah ka nak jadi adik2 yang mendengar kata?..hm..aku dulu pun jahat gak. Melawan gak..(jahat gile sebenarnya) tapi, tak adalah sampai mendera jiwa rg lain..sekarang jiwa aku terdera nih.. macam mana nak buat ni?...(lari boleh?)

Tak pa lah...aku penat dah nih. Mengantuk.

Suami orang :ep-2

Suami orang?

Aku sambung sikit cerita pasal budak ofis yang banyak skandal dengan suami orang tu. Hm...bila cerita hal dia bercinta dengan suami orang nih dah tersebar, aku dengar budak nih, dah start menjuhkan diri dari orang. Lepas tu dok serang semua orang tanya siapa yang sebarkan cerita hal dia dekat budak2 ofis. Entahlah..pendapat aku, orang takkan bercakap kalau benda tak betul. Kata orang, benda ni jadi depan mata kepala diorang. So, aku rasa, perbuatan budak tu sendiri yang membuatkan orang tahu hal skandal dia dgn sape2 jelah dekat dalam ofis tuh. Hm...no komen la benda2 macam ni. Pandai makan, pandaila simpan. Kalau dah kantoi, sendiri tanggung. Kami boleh tengok, dengar & nasihat apa yang patut. Tapi, yang boleh buat keputusan, diri sendiri. Jangan nanti dah kena serang baru nak menangis cari kawan-kawan. Masa tu, aku pun tak nak campur...


Oklah, banyak keje nak buat dekat ofis ni. Karang ada pula mulut yang kata aku ni makan gaji buta..

Suami orang-ep 1

Bercinta dengan suami orang?

Ramai sangat orang yang aku jumpe dalam k.l ni, sedang asyik masyuk bercinta dengan suami orang. Aku tak kesah sangat sebab itu hal masing-masing. Mungkin yang lelaki mampu, so teruskanla. Sebab aku memang tak ada masalah dengan poligami...provided lelaki yang nak berpoligami tu, cukup bersedia berlaku adil. Memangla kalau cakap macm ni, bunyinye macam selfish..tak fikir perasaan perempuan lain...i mean the first wife atau ister2 terdahulu...tapi, this is nothing new..dah ramai lelaki yang kadang-kadang tak ada masalah dalam marriage pun, jump into new relationship..tu tup dah kawin lagi satu..yang tak bestnye, aku kenal one family nih..wife sedia ada ni dapat tau dari mulut2 orang... ntah kenapa org2 ni asyik nampak je suami org ni dgn wife barunya tapi the wife sendiri tak pernah pulak nampak..sedih bile tengok the wife terpaksa berpura-pura yang she is happy...anak-anak terpaksa tunjuk yang family diorang masih bahagia..tapi kami yang melihat sayu sangat sebab kami tahu..the wife has so many sadness deep inside her heart...

Itu cakap pasal yang kawin..yang bercinta dengan suami orang pula mcm mana? Ramai jek yang becinta dengan suami orang...tapi yang suaminye cover baik dari isteri...

Hm..dekat ofis2 banyak je pekerja yang skandal dengan boses yang dah berkahwin. Tak kisahla nak bercinta tapi, jangala tunjuk sangat dekat kawan-kawan...bukan cemburu atau ape..tapi sebab lelaki yang ada hubungan dengan dia nih bukan sorang..ramai suami rang dekat ofis tu yang ada skandal dengan dia...bercinta tak salah..tapi, biarlah dengan cara yang betul... sebagai perempuan, kita kena fikir and jaga hati perempuan lain..bayangkan hak kita di rampas...mcm mana? Sedih..kan??

Dilema aku pula..aku pernah fall in love dengan seseorang yang sekarag dah pun jadi suami orang..puppy love...tapi aku happy sebab dia bahagia sekarang..cuma aku akan cerita nanti pasal aku..kay..lain kali la..

Urm..

Lesbian?

Hye...this is the real me..judge me all u want but i'm tired of this fake smile on my face. I got to know that another one of my cuz's is a lesbian..so be it. It is so obvious and of course I can see it from her eyes. I've notice her interest with gurls, 3/4 months ago.

So, dear cuz..don't be afraid to tell me da truth.. u dont have to cover up anything from me..

I know u know and we both know the reality of wat we both are facing..put it diz way gurl... people will not stop talking..especially bad things bout us..but just ignore them..wat else can we do..

People will say i'm crazy cz i'm supose to advice u but , the only person who can decide for u is urself..so if i try to put some sense in ur head but u urself refuse to listen..then..its a waste of time, aite? (Yeah..no harm trying) but...i know its not easy to escape once u r trap in it...so..just enjoy life but know ur limit and be very careful...extra careful..don't do stupid thing or jump into stupid 'act' without consulting me..or at least anybody yang lebih tua...remember that ok... it is not simple...it is more difficult and much more complicated than being straight..trust me i know...

Da fav question....

Selamat Hari Raya...



Waktu hari raya kedua, old family frens datang to my grandma's house lebih kurang pukul 8.30 malam. That time, me and my adik2 including ija my cuz tengah siap2 nak tengok movie KAMI at 9.20pm. So, sementara menunggu adik bersiap, i chat dengan the wife...bout old days and stuff.. tibe2 die pop ut with "DA QS"..angah bile nak kawin??.. ok ow... rasa macam darah dah mengalir dengan lajunye ke arah muka. My heart whispered..kenapa aku rasa macam nak marah je ni? Tapi, i'm very sure that i'm smiling listening to the question. So..i continued smiling n answered the standard answer..'belum ada jodoh lagi kot...' hoping that there are no follow up qs..but unfortunately...she further asked...'ish angah ni tak pandai bercinta ke?' alamak...ini perli ke...ejek ke..mengusik?? I laughed..(i hope i laughed)...i don't know wat answer to give... I dont understand why people can't stop asking qs like that...if i am to marry someone..i'll definitely make it public..so..stop asking people...



I know, i am facing a dilemma...which i am not ready to let you people know..but..its nothing simple..its big... i just hope that i cud decide for my wn life n for my own good...sigh...