***2

I have no one to talk to anymore. I have no one to share this pain anymore. Everyone will only judge me and decide for me. I dont need that. I just need them to listen and understand. Is it that difficult? Is it too much to ask? I cant even write freely now. Every words must be carefully written so I wont hurt anyone. But at the end of the day I am the one suffering inside. What do they know of me? They knew nothing. What they saw is only one woman standing strong and surviving shits. Why cant they understand that I am in pain? Pain of everything that is happening around me. When I tried to make them smile, I was left broken alone. Alone.

***

Sometimes, there are things that you kept to yourself knowing the fact that saying it out wont change anything. I was left broken then and I am still broken now. This pain is nothing new to me. What is there to argue anymore. People says that God knows whats best for you but along the way, He gave you test after test that allows you to break again and again. When this hapens, will you blame God or do you blame yourself? That i cant answer.  People who knows me will see me as a strong woman who have gone tru a lot of shit. But must it remain this way? That question is left hanging. So yes, this post is simply written for myself. Me.

Sampai Bila.

Kalau mahu ditarik, kenapa perlu di beri?
Kalau mahu dihancurkan, kenapa mesti begini?
Sampai bila keadaan ini akan berpanjangan?
Hati yang kosong diisi dan dihias,
Baru seketika kemudian ditarik pintas.

L.O.V.E

As painful as it is, life must go on.
I never thought that I am always unlucky with love.
As much as I wanted to be loved, maybe the time is not right for what I've hoped.
I will continue hoping.
I will never stop praying.
May one day,
A man who really loves me for who I am will come to my life.
And
If being a single mother is whats best for me,
I will take it.
As God knows best.